Best Funny Quotes – Messages, Status and Images

Funny Quotes

It is important to have fun in life. We can avoid our own personal pressures and worries through fun. Funny quotes keep us entertained. We can bring a smile to our loved ones’ faces by sharing entertaining quotes. We include a variety of funny quotes in this article that you can share with your relatives, friends, girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, or wife.

This article mentions different types of funny quotes and wishes that you can send with your loved ones. These funny quotes and wishes will make them feel energetic and loved. Send beautiful funny quotes to your friends, families, sisters, brothers, etc. These funny quotes will make them feel special.

500+ Best Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes About Life
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Funny Love Quotes
Funny Best Friend Quotes
Funny Inspirational Quotes
Funny Motivational Quotes
Funny Quotes in English

Also Read: Best Good Evening Quotes

Funny Quotes for Life

“I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.”
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
“I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.”
“I have a photographic memory, but I always forget to charge the batteries.”
“I’m not short, I’m just concentrated awesome.”
“I’m not shy, I’m just a ninja in social situations.”
“I’m not procrastinating, I’m just prioritizing my distractions.”
“I’m not a morning person, I’m a coffee person.”
“I’m not aging, I’m just increasing in value.”
“I’m not always right, but I’m never wrong.”
“I’m not sure if I’m getting older or if the world is getting weirder.”
“I’m not a doctor, but I play one in real life.”
“I’m not always sarcastic, sometimes I’m asleep.”
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m still right.”
“I’m not lost, I’m just taking the scenic route.”
“I’m not bossy, I just know what you should be doing.”
“I’m not clumsy, I’m just gravity challenged.”
“I’m not a morning person, I’m a brunch person.”
“I’m not weird, I’m just limited edition.”
“I’m not messy, I’m creatively organized.”
“I’m not always right, but I’m never wrong… except that one time.”
“I’m not always late, but when I am, I’m fashionably late.”
“I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving my energy.”
“I’m not old, I’m just chronologically gifted.”
“I’m not always funny, but when I am, I’m hilarious.”
“I’m not single, I’m just in a long-term relationship with freedom.”
“I’m not ignoring you, I’m just prioritizing my time with myself.”
“I’m not lost, I’m just wandering.”
“I’m not short, I’m just concentrated awesome.”
“I’m not procrastinating, I’m just maximizing my time for creativity.”
“I’m not always sarcastic, sometimes I’m just witty.”
“I’m not arguing, I’m just passionately expressing my opinion.”
“I’m not always right, but I’m never wrong. Unless I’m left.”
“I’m not a morning person, I’m a sunrise enthusiast.”
“I’m not weird, I’m just unique.”
“I’m not a morning person, I’m a brunch warrior.”
“I’m not messy, I’m just creatively disorganized.”
“I’m not always late, sometimes the world is just too early.”
“I’m not always right, but I’m never unsure.”
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m correct.”
“I’m not always right, but I’m never wrong about being right.”
“I’m not lost, I’m just taking the scenic route to my destination.”
“I’m not ignoring you, I’m just prioritizing my thoughts.”
“I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving my energy for something more important.”
“I’m not old, I’m just experienced.”
“I’m not always funny, but when I am, I’m hilarious. To myself.”
“I’m not always right, but I’m never wrong.” – Unknown
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey
“I’m not arguing, I’m just passionately expressing my point of view.” – Unknown
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.” – Unknown

Funny Quotes for Love

“I love you like a fat kid loves cake.” – 50 Cent
“My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan.” – Leopold Fetchner
“I want a man who is kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?” – Zsa Zsa Gabor
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” – Charles M. Schulz
“I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.” – Anonymous
“I love you more than a unicorn loves rainbows.” – Anonymous
“I love you more than a pirate loves treasure.” – Anonymous
“I love you more than a vampire loves blood.” – Anonymous
“I love you more than a ninja loves his sword.” – Anonymous
“I love you more than a giraffe loves his neck.” – Anonymous
“I love you more than a zombie loves brains.” – Anonymous
“I love you more than a farmer loves his tractor.” – Anonymous
“I love you more than a bear loves honey.” – Anonymous
“I love you more than a bee loves flowers.” – Anonymous
“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” – Groucho Marx
“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.” – Rodney Dangerfield
“Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.” – Jules Renard
“Love is being stupid together.” – Paul Valery
“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” – Albert Einstein
“Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.” – Carroll Bryant
“Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.” – Thomas Dewar
“I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.” – Elizabeth Evans
“I love you more than pizza, and that’s saying a lot.” – Anonymous
“My love for you is like a candle. If you forget me, I’ll burn your house down.” – Anonymous
“Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.” – Cathy Carlyle
“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” – Natasha Leggero
“I love you like a hobbit loves second breakfast.” – Anonymous
“I love you like a kid loves candy.” – Anonymous
“I love you more than a penguin loves ice cream.” – Anonymous
“I love you more than a hipster loves his beard.” – Anonymous
“I love you more than a dog loves its tail.” – Anonymous
“I love you more than a surfer loves the ocean.” – Anonymous
“I love you more than a pilot loves his plane.” – Anonymous
“I love you more than a baker loves his bread.” – Anonymous
“I love you more than a rapper loves bling.” – Anonymous
“I love you more than a magician loves his wand.” – Anonymous
“I love you more than a scientist loves his experiments.” – Anonymous
“I love you more than a chef loves his kitchen.” – Anonymous
“I love you more than a writer loves his pen.” – Anonymous
“You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.” — Hussein Nishah
“Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. – Jackie Mason
“Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.” – David Sedaris
“Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.”– Phyllis Diller
“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” – Erma Bombeck
“Love is sharing your popcorn.” – Charles Schultz
“Where love is the case, the doctor is an ass”. – English Proverb
“Love is the same as like except you feel sexier.” – Judith Viorst
“I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth.”– Chico Marx
“My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.” – Joan Rivers
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”– Groucho Marx

Funny Quotes for Smile

“A smile confuses an approaching frown.”
“A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.” – Phyllis Diller
“Smile, it’s free therapy.” – Douglas Horton
“It takes seventeen muscles to smile and forty-three to frown.”
“Smile… it will either warm their heart or piss them off… either way you win.”
“Before you put on a frown, make absolutely sure there are no smiles available.” – James M. Beggs
“Wear a smile – one size fits all.”
“You’re never fully dressed without a smile.” – Martin Charnin
“The living should smile, for the dead cannot.” – George R.R. Martin
“Life is short, smile while you still have teeth!”
“A smile is happiness you’ll find right under your nose.“ Tom Wilson
“Teeth aren’t pearly, until you smile.” Anthony Liccione
“Smile! It increases your face value.” Robert Harling
“Keep smiling and one day life will get tired of upsetting you.”
“So this made me smile today – my face muscles.”
“Smiling is my favorite exercise.”
“If you don’t start out the day with a smile, it’s not too late to start practicing for tomorrow!”
“A smile confuses an approaching frown.”
“Smiling is contagious, and we should pass them on to everyone we interact with.”
“You can add value to your personality by putting on a smile.”
“Life is so much better when you put a smile on your face.”
“Wear a smile – one size fits all!”
“Smile, sunshine is good for your teeth!”
“The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.” Robert Bloch
“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.” W. C. Fields
“I can hack your tears away but only if you give me the password to your smile.”
“If it requires smiling, I probably won’t coDon’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened….!
“Who needs plastic surgery when you can transform your face with a smile….?”
“Smile. It will either warm their heart or piss them off. Either way, you win….!”
“You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun….!”
“So it turns out that being an adult is really just Googling how to do stuff….!
“I’m the reason I smile every day.”
“You can only hold a smile for so long, after that it’s just teeth.” Chuck Palahniuk
“The nurse who can smile when things go wrong… is probably going off duty.”
“I just like to smile. Smiling’s my favorite” Buddy The Elf
“Smiles are contagious. Be a carrier.”
“The living should smile, for the dead cannot.” George R.R. Martin
“If you are too busy to smile, you are too busy.”
“A laugh is a smile out of control.” Wyatt B. Pringle Jr
“Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you’re up to.”
“A smile is a facelift that’s in everyone’s price range!” Tom Wilson
“Smiles are a perfect fit for everyone.”
“You will always find happiness when you smile.”
“Wear a pretty smile before you grow old and lose all your teeth.”
“The bell doesn’t dismiss you….!”
“Wake up with a smile and go after life….!”
“Happy Girls are the Prettiest Pink Pouch…!”
“Smiles are free but they are worth a lot….!”
“The only time I set the bar low is for limbo…!”

Funny Quotes for Boyfriends

“I love you more than pizza. And that’s saying a lot.”
“You may not be perfect, but you’re perfect for me… most of the time.”
“I don’t need a superhero when I have you.”
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
“I love you more than my phone, and that’s saying something.”
“I’m not saying you’re old, but your first crush was probably on Cleopatra.”
“I love you more than chocolate, and that’s saying a lot.”
“I’m not great at math, but I think we’re a perfect match.”
“I love you more than Netflix, and that’s saying something.”
“If loving you is wrong, I don’t want to be right…unless you’re making me watch sports.”
“I love you more than coffee, and that’s saying a lot.”
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why you’re wrong.”
“I love you more than my bed, but don’t tell my bed I said that.”
“You’re my favorite notification.”
“I love you more than tacos, and that’s saying something.”
“You may not be a genie, but you still make all my wishes come true.”
“I love you more than memes, and that’s saying something.”
“You’re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life.”
“I love you more than ice cream, and that’s saying a lot.”
“I’m not saying you’re forgetful, but you probably forgot what I just said.”
“I love you more than my favorite song, and that’s saying a lot.”
“You’re like a burrito, I can’t get enough of you.”
“I love you more than emojis, and that’s saying something.”
“You’re my happy place, except when you steal my fries.”
“I love you more than my favorite TV show, and that’s saying a lot.”
“You’re my lobster, except when you steal my food.”
“I love you more than Pinterest, and that’s saying something.”
“You’re the peanut butter to my jelly, the cheese to my macaroni, and the ketchup to my fries.”
“I love you more than social media, and that’s saying a lot.”
“You’re the reason I wake up with a smile on my face…unless you stole the covers again.”
“I love you more than my favorite book, and that’s saying something.”
“You’re my better half, except when you eat the last slice of pizza.”
“I love you more than my favorite movie, and that’s saying a lot.”
“You’re the apple to my pie, the straw to my berry, and the milk to my cereal.”
“I love you more than my favorite band, and that’s saying something.”
“You’re my favorite person to annoy.”
“I love you more than wine, and that’s saying a lot.”
“You’re my better half, except when you leave the toilet seat up.”
“I love you more than my favorite artist, and that’s saying something.”
“You’re my sunshine on a rainy day…unless you forgot to bring an umbrella.”
“I love you more than beer, and that’s saying a lot.”
“You stole my heart, but I’ll let you keep it.”
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
“I love you more than pizza, and that’s saying a lot.”
“You’re the cheese to my macaroni.”
“I’m not short, I’m just concentrated awesome.”
“You’re the reason I wake up with a smile on my face… and drool on my pillow.”
“I love you even when you snore like a bear.”
“You’re the only one I want to annoy for the rest of my life.”
“I’m yours, no refunds.”
“I’m pretty sure we’re meant to be because we both like food more than people.”
“I love you more than Netflix loves producing new shows.”

Funny Quotes for Her

“You’re just like bacon, beer and chocolate – you make everything better.”
“Let’s flip a coin. Heads, I’m yours. Tails, you’re mine.”
“I love you more than beer, and I really love beer.”
“I love you even when I’m really, really hungry.”
“I love you from my head tomatoes.”
“You add meaning to my life and yet, you subtract some cash from my wallet.”
“Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it.”
“He stole my heart so I’m planning revenge… I am going to take his last name.”
“Sometimes I look at my boyfriend and think… Damn, he is one lucky man.”
“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewellery.”- Rita Rudner
“It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you.” ―John Green, The Fault In Our Stars
“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” ―Natasha Leggero
“The great question which I have not been able to answer is, ‘What does a woman want?” ―Freud
“My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside Made in Taiwan!” ―Leopold Fechtner
“We pair as great as mac ‘N’ cheese.”
“He gave her a look that you could have poured on a waffle.” ―Ring Lardner
“I don’t need to know about the solar system cause my whole world revolves around you.”
“Finding you was as hard as finding a needle in a haystack.”
“Yes, to the untrained eye, I’m eating an orange. But to the eye that has brains, I’m making a point about marriage. For you see, marriage is a lot like an orange. First, you have the skin. Then the sweet, sweet innards.” ―Homer, The Simpsons
“Are you made of Copper and Tellurium? Cause you’re CuTe”
“Me falling in love with you more as each day passes must be the greatest miracle of all. I wish there were a traffic light to let me know when to stop.”
“You make my eyeglasses fog up.
“Promise yourself not to be a woman who needs a man to live, but a woman a man needs.”
“Stop waiting for your prince on a white horse. Go and find him. The poor man might be lost or stuck on an island or something.”
“What’s the best way to have your husband remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.”- Cindy Garner
“Forever is a long time, make sure you spend it with someone who makes you laugh!”
“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.” ―Joan Crawford
“Marriage is a great institution for those who like institutions.” ―Tommy Dewar
“You say you love chocolate cakes, but you cut them. You say you love chocolates, but then you melt them. You say you love me, and now I’m scared.”
“Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.” ―George Carlin
“I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.” ―David Bissonette
“Besides my PlayStation, you are my favorite.”
“My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.” ―Jimmy Durante
“You are as important as oxygen to me.”
“We’re like Romeo & Juliet. Except for the dying part of course.”―Justina
“Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore.” ―Bree Luckey
“The more she turned right the more I turned wrong.” ―Mark W. Boyer
“In my house, I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision-maker.” ―Woody Allen
“An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” – Agatha Christie
“Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” – Phyllis Diller
“Every girl deserves a guy that can make her smile even when she doesn’t want to.”
“I can’t make you love me, but I can fill my pantry with your favorite snacks and offer you a weekly stipend of $75.” ―Rob Delaney
“You must be a camera cause you always make me smile.“
“You must be a magician! Everything around me disappears when I see your goofy smile.”
“Stick with me because I’ll ruin your lipstick, not your mascara.”
“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.”―Richard Jeni
“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” ―Dr. Seuss
“If she happens to fall, I’ll be there to laugh at first and then help her up afterwards.” ―J.A. Redmerski
“It wasn’t my intention to fall in love with you, but then you smiled.”
“Can you please look at me that way you look at food?”
“I love you as much as I love my favorite team.”

Funny Quotes for Marriage

“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” – Groucho Marx
“A good marriage is like a casserole: only those responsible for it really know what goes into it.” – Unknown
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell
“Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.”
“Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke, and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.”
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” — Kathy Mohnke
“Before you got married, you were madly in love with each other. Now you will be mad at each other as well.” — Unknown
“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should just live next door and visit now and then.”
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” – Henny Youngman
“Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet.” – Mae West
“Marriage is like a phone call in the middle of the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.” – Unknown
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
“Marriage is like a walk in the park…Jurassic Park.” – Unknown
“Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops.” – Unknown
“Marriage is a workshop, where the husband works and the wife watches.” – Unknown
“I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.” – Unknown
“Marriage is like a deck of cards. It starts with a diamond, and ends with a club.” – Unknown
“Marriage is like a game of poker. You start out with a pair, and eventually, you need a full house to stay in the game.” – Unknown
“The only time my wife listens to me is when I’m talking in my sleep.”
“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing—and then marry him.” — Cher
“Before I got married, I had six theories about raising children; now I have six children and no theories.” — John Wilmot
“I married for love but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.” — Cameron Esposito
“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” — Groucho Marx
“I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it.” — Lyndon B. Johnson
“Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun.” —Stephanie Ortiz
“Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.” —H. Jackson Brown
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” —Rita Rudner
“You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!” —Bill Maher
“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.” —Benjamin Franklin
“I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too—for being married so many times.” —Elizabeth Taylor
“Who won in life? Me. Because I got to marry you.” —Chip Gaines
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” —Prince Philip
“Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell
“Marriage is like a good wine: it gets better with age, but sometimes it turns into vinegar.” – Unknown
“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.” — Helen Rowland
“Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.” — Mae West
“In every good marriage, it pays sometimes to be a little deaf.” — Ruth Bader Ginsberg
“Just found out the wife is writing a book about our honeymoon, called Fifty Shades of Just Okay.” — Conan O’Brien
“To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” — Ogden Nash
“Marriage is a lot like a game of chess, except the loser doesn’t always know he’s lost.” – Unknown
“Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.” – Unknown
“I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” – Rodney Dangerfield
“Marriage is like a game of bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.” – Unknown
“Marriage is like a phone call, in the sense that you have to pay attention to the details or you’ll end up with a wrong number.” – Unknown
“I asked my wife to let me know the next time she has an orgasm. She said she doesn’t like to bother me when I’m at work.” – Unknown
“Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.” – Unknown
“Marriage is like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park.” – Unknown
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Unknown
“Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.” — Jerry Seinfeld
“Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.” —Mickey Rooney
“After about 15 years I finally figured out that she’s always right. So surprisingly we just stopped fighting after that.” —Barack Obama
“Marriage is not just spiritual communion and passionate embraces; marriage is also three meals a day and remembering to carry the trash out.” —Joyce Brothers

Funny Quotes for Birthday

“Happy birthday to someone who is smart, witty, charming, and always full of hot air.”
“You’re not getting older, you’re just gaining more experience in denying your age.”
“Happy birthday to someone who’s just like a fine wine – they only get better with age!”
“I hope your birthday is as much fun as a trip to the dentist – but with way better presents!”
“Happy birthday! May your cake be moist and your presents be perfectly wrapped.”
“You’re not just another year older, you’re another year closer to being that crazy old person on the block.”
“May your Facebook wall be filled with birthday wishes from people you’ve never met, haven’t seen in years, or genuinely couldn’t care less about.”
“On your birthday don’t forget to set goals that are sky high and spend the rest of the year miserably trying to build a rocket to get there.”
“You’re a really hard individual to shop for… so I didn’t get you anything. Happy birthday!”
“Happy birthday to the only person I would rescue in the event of a zombie apocalypse.”
“If you were Jesus, today would be Christmas!”
“Smart, good looking, and funny. But enough about me. Happy birthday!”
“It is scientifically proven that people who have more birthdays live longer.”
“Happy birthday! May your wrinkles be few and your teeth still be real.”
“Another year, another wrinkle. But hey, at least you’re not extinct yet!”
“Happy birthday to someone who’s still young enough to be reckless and old enough to know better.”
“You’re not old, you’re just well-seasoned. Happy birthday!”
“Happy birthday to someone who’s still got it, but just can’t remember where they put it!”
“Happy birthday! You’re not old, you’re just a classic.”
“You’re not getting older, you’re just getting closer to your expiration date. Happy birthday!”
“Happy birthday to someone who’s like a fine cheese – they only get better with age!”
“You’re not old, you’re just retro. Happy birthday!”
“Happy birthday to someone who’s still young at heart, even if their back says otherwise.”
“Congratulations on reaching the age where your hairline is starting to resemble your waistline. Happy birthday!”
“Happy birthday to someone who’s still as cool as they were in their youth, but with way better taste in music!”
“Happy birthday – I’m so glad you’ll always be older than me!”
“Remember that growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional!”
“Birthdays are like spotting Bigfoot. You really do want to see them but you’re a little afraid of what they’ll look like.”
“ If you look back through all the years you’ve lived, the first thing you’ll notice is that you need a telescope.”
“Happy birthday – So far, this is the oldest you’ve ever been!”
“At least you’re not as old as you will be next year… if you make it!”
“ If anyone calls you old, hit them with your cane and throw your teeth at them!”
“Yes, we have reached that age… when every compliment we get is usually followed by ‘for your age.”
“You’re not getting older, you’re just becoming a classic. Happy birthday!”
“Happy birthday! May your day be filled with cake, laughter, and lots of wine to help you forget how old you are!”
“Happy birthday to someone who’s still got it – but just can’t find it anymore!”
“Age is just a number, but wrinkles are real. Happy birthday!”
“Happy birthday! May your day be filled with so much joy and laughter that you forget you’re getting older!”
“You’re not old, you’re just a vintage model. Happy birthday!”
“Happy birthday to someone who’s still young enough to do something crazy, but old enough to know better.”
“You’re not old, you’re just chronologically gifted. Happy birthday!”
“Happy birthday! May your day be filled with all the things that make you feel young and alive, like cake and ice cream!”
“You’re not getting older, you’re just becoming a classic. Happy birthday!”
“Happy birthday to someone who’s still young enough to rock a mullet, but old enough to know better.”
“You’re not old, you’re just well-preserved. Happy birthday!”
“Happy birthday! May your day be filled with all the things that make you feel young and alive, like cake and ice cream!”
“You’re not old, you’re just vintage. Happy birthday!”
“Happy birthday to someone who’s still got it – even if it’s hidden under a layer of dust!”
“You’re not old, you’re just retro. Happy birthday!”
“Happy birthday! May your day be filled with all the things that make you feel young and alive, like cake and ice cream!”

Funny Quotes for Work

“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
“No man goes before his time — unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Mar
“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen
“It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
“Delegate your work. Stop spending dollar time on penny jobs.” — Mary Kay Ash
“I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.” –Anonymous
“Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.” –Unknown
“The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.” — Stanley J. Randall
“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.” — Albert Einstein
“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
“You don’t get paid for the hour. You get paid for the value you bring to the hour.” — Jim Rohn
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” — Thomas Edison
“Your job is not just to do what your parents say, what your teachers say, what society says, but to figure out what your heart calling is and be led by that.” — Oprah Winfrey
“Work to become, not to acquire.” — Elbert Hubbard
“Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it.” — Katharine Whitehorn
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” — Betty Reese
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” — Homer Simpson
“There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” -Kin Hubbard
“There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.” — David Letterman
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
“People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard
“Friday makes Monday worth it.” — Andy Atticus
“Music always sounds better on Friday.” — Lou Brutus
“Friday. The golden child of the weekdays. The superhero of the workweek. The welcome wagon to the weekend.” — Unknown
“It is Friday… any plan of being a productive member of society is officially thrown out the window.” — Unknown
“Friday is a day to finish your goals for the week. It is a day to celebrate that which you set out to accomplish at the beginning of the week. Well done.” — Byron Pulsifer
“Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it is only Thursday.” — Unknown
“People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness.” — Raimonda B.
“Here’s to another Friday of outward smiles and inward screams.” — Unknown
“Why is Monday so far away from Friday and Friday so bloody close to Monday?” — Unknown
“Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.” – Anonymous
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino
“Weekends don’t pay as well as weekdays, but at least there’s football.” — S.A. Sachs
“I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde
“If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.” — Dave Barry
“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” — Douglas Adams
“Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.” — Rita Mae Brown
“His insomnia was so bad that he could not sleep during office hours.” — Arthur Baer
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
“Sometimes, I spend the whole meeting wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.” — Unknown
“We will continue to have more meetings until we figure out why no work is getting done.” — Unknown
“Sometimes, the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.” — Unknown

Funny Friendship Quotes

“If you have friends who are as weird as you, then you have everything.”

“Friendship is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.”
“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.”
“Friends don’t let friends do silly things… alone.”
“I don’t know what’s tighter, our jeans or our friendship.”
“A friend in need is a friend to be avoided.”
“Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness and shenanigans.”
“If you have friends who are as weird as you, then you have everything.”
“I’d take a bullet for you. Not in the head. But like in the leg or something.”
“Real friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.”
“You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend. I’ll train you.”
“Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together.” — Woodrow T. Wilson
“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.” — Linda Grayson
“Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and to have her nonsense respected.” — Charles Lamb
“A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.” — Donna Roberts
“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”
“Friends are like potatoes. If you eat them, they die.”
“I’d walk through fire for my best friend. Well, not fire because that’s dangerous. But a super humid room… but not too humid, because, you know… my hair.”
“Friends come and go like waves of the ocean, but the true ones stick like an octopus on your face.”
“Most of us don’t need a psychiatric therapist as much as a friend to be silly with.” ― Robert Brault
“The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn’t exist.” ― Aaron Machado
“It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson
“If you have two friends in your lifetime, you’re lucky. If you have one good friend, you’re more than lucky.” ― S.E. Hinto
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” ―
“Friendship is so weird… you just pick a human you’ve met and you’re like, ‘Yep, I like this one,’ and you just do stuff with them.”
“Friends are like snowflakes, they melt away when you breathe on them too hard.”
“A good friend is like a four-leaf clover, hard to find and lucky to have.”
“Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.”
“Friendship is like a bank account. You can’t continue to withdraw from it without making some deposits.”
“Friends are like farts. Some are loud, some are quiet, but they all stink.”
“A true friend stabs you in the front.”
“It’s not that diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but it’s your best friends who are your diamonds.”
“I hope we’re friends until we die. Then, I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare people.”
“Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche
“There’s not a word yet for old friends who’ve just met.” — Jim Henson
“Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.”
“A good friend is someone who knows all your stories. A best friend is someone who lived them with you.”
“Friends are like rainbows, always there to brighten your day after a storm.”
“I don’t need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets, I have my friends for that.”
“Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.”
“A true friend is someone who never gets tired of listening to your pointless dramas over and over again.”
“Friends are like stars, they come and go, but the ones that stay are the ones that glow.”
“Friendship is like peeing your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.”
“Friends don’t let friends wear ugly outfits.”
“A true friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg, even though they know you’re slightly cracked.”
“Friends don’t let friends do stupid things… alone.”
“Best friends are like siblings that God forgot to give you.”
“Good friends don’t let you do stupid things… alone.”
“A true friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.”
“Friends are like wine, they get better with age.”
“A true friend is someone who will always be there during a zombie apocalypse.”
“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are worth the risk, the time, and the effort.”

Funny Quotes for Study

“I’m not procrastinating, I’m just prioritizing my distractions.”
“I study best when I’m laying in bed pretending to be dead.”
“I always give 110% on my exams: 10% effort, 100% praying.”
“I don’t always study, but when I do, I don’t.”
“I don’t need caffeine to study, said no student ever.”
“I’m not sure if I’m studying for a degree or a detention.”
“I have a photographic memory, but I always forget to load the film.”
“I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving my energy for my next study session.”
“I study so hard, my brain needs a break to watch Netflix.”
“Studying for exams is like being on a diet. You know you shouldn’t eat that chocolate, but you do it anyway.”
“The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and doesn’t stop until you get to school.”
“I can’t wait to finish this exam and forget everything I learned.”
“Studying is like being in a relationship. If you’re not committed, it won’t work out.”
“I’m not procrastinating, I’m just on an extended coffee break.”
“I don’t always study, but when I do, I prefer to do it the night before.”
“I have a love-hate relationship with studying. I love to hate it.”
“I have a deadline, not a lifeline.”
“I study for hours and hours, but my attention span is like that of a goldfish.”
“I can’t wait to graduate so I can finally stop studying and start stressing about finding a job.”
“In grade school I was smart but I didn’t have any friends. In high school I quit being smart and started finding friends.”
“Studies show that it’s enough for me just to say studies show and that makes it true.”
“I wish I could go to school without studying and only have fun with friends.”
“Success in exam…? All depends on the second letter.”
“Teachers call it copying, we call it teamwork!”
“The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works for hours, days, right from your birth, until you step in the exam hall.”
“I study hard so I can live easy… but then I study hard again because I forgot everything.”
“I’m not studying, I’m just mentally preparing myself for a future that involves lots of studying.”
“Studying is like trying to swallow a pill without water. You know it’s good for you, but it’s hard to do.”
“I’m not sure what’s harder: studying for a test or pretending to be interested in what the professor is saying.”
“Dear Google, why don’t you sit next to me through my exam?”
“Dear math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I am tired of solving them for you.”
“Exam Study: The act of texting and watching TV with an open textbook nearby.”
“Exam, please be nice. Sincerely, from my heart!”
“Exam: My Study period = minutes! My break time = hours!”
“I studied so hard, my brain is now a library card catalog.”
“I have a love-hate relationship with textbooks. I love to hate them.”
“I’m not procrastinating, I’m just waiting for inspiration to strike… or the deadline, whichever comes first.”
“I’m not sure if my study notes are hieroglyphics or a secret code.”
“I’m not sure if I’m studying to be a professional or just to impress my parents.”
“I’ve learned so much in college: how to survive on 3 hours of sleep, how to fake being awake in class, and how to procrastinate like a pro.”
“I’m not sure if I’m studying for a test or trying to memorize a foreign language.”
“Studying is like trying to catch a greased pig. You know it’s important, but it’s hard to do.”
“I have a degree in procrastination, but I’m still working on my diploma in studying.”
“I study so hard, my brain needs a vacation after each exam.”
“I’m not sure if I’m studying for a test or training for a marathon.”
“Hey, you know how much fun we have when we study together?”
“I’m not trying to be the best at studying. I just want to do what is right for me and my body.”
“I’m trying to become a doctor but I don’t want to be the best at studying.”
“Should I just give up? I’m not trying to be the best at studying.”
“I know that my parents have high expectations of me. I want to make sure they always see the good in what I do, so when it’s time for a test or exam, I study hard and then show off my results!”
“I’m not a good student. But when I do study, it’s usually in public places so my parents can see me!”
“I am so excited to have this beautiful day for studying today! It’s going to be awesome

FAQ

1. What are the best funny quotes for study?

Ans: The best funny quotes are –

“I’m not procrastinating, I’m just prioritizing my distractions.”
“I study best when I’m laying in bed pretending to be dead.”
“I always give 110% on my exams: 10% effort, 100% praying.”

2. What are the best funny quotes for friendship?

Ans: The best funny quotes for friendship are –

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“Friendship is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.”
“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.”
“Friends don’t let friends do silly things… alone.”

3. What are the best quotes for relationship?

Ans: The best quotes for relationship are –

“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” – Groucho Marx
“A good marriage is like a casserole: only those responsible for it really know what goes into it.” – Unknown
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell

4. What are the best funny quotes for love?

Ans: The best funny quotes for love are

“I love you like a fat kid loves cake.” – 50 Cent
“My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan.” – Leopold Fetchner
“I want a man who is kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?” – Zsa Zsa Gabor

5. What are the best funny quotes for birthday?

Ans: The best funny quotes for birthday are

“Happy birthday to someone who is smart, witty, charming, and always full of hot air.”
“You’re not getting older, you’re just gaining more experience in denying your age.”
“Happy birthday to someone who’s just like a fine wine – they only get better with age!”

Dev Kirtonia

Hi, I’m Dev Kirtonia, Founder & CEO of Dev Library. A website that provides all SCERT, NCERT 3 to 12, and BA, B.com, B.Sc, and Computer Science with Post Graduate Notes & Suggestions, Novel, eBooks, Biography, Quotes, Study Materials, and more.